Push It Out My Chest Til There's Nothing Left
by lostlovexxkitty
Summary: When your life goes wrong and you think it's getting worse, something good will always come. MattXOC MelloXOOC Near is somewhere thrown in...
1. Prologue: Lonliness is a Bitch

**Let's add a Disclaimer :)**

**I don't own Deathnote or any of the characters in it. I do own the OC that I have not yet named... they will have a name sometime soon :S anyways.. I rated this T for swearing. Nothing narst happens (as I've been thinking I can never write something like that sorry for the pervs :P Okay I worte this story because I was bored. I don't think anyone will like it but I thought I'd make one anyways! :D Enjoy..or not.**

I walked in the cold rain, my whole body shaking, chattering and wet. I have no clue where I'm going, but I can't stop…

It's been months since I've last had some kind of healthy food. I've lived on the street for more then two years, I'm fourteen now. My birthday is some day in December, I think. I can't remember where I've come from, where I'm going, why I don't have a home, who my parents are… if I have any. I don't remember anything.

I trip over myself and fall hard to the sidewalk. Tears are streaming from my eyes. I can feel them turning red from lack of sleep and saltiness from tears. I have a cold definitely.

I get up and don't even bother wiping off the rock bits and mud attached to my skin and clothes and I limp away as blood trails down my body.

_Tap tap tap_… I think I hear footsteps… but it's most-likely my heart beat; slow and loud; loud like the rain hitting me.

I can't remember what happened next. I can only see darkness… before that… a figure standing above me. I must have fallen down or something. But I see green eyes staring at me through darkness. I wonder: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here?? Where am I going? Before I even knew what was going on I passed out…I remember a voice gently caressing my mind; a soft voice, humming a tune.

**Okay so the part like "who am i...where am i going" all that part is from the beginning of Take It Away by The Used.**

**Review.. or not.**


	2. Chapter One: White Castle

**This chapter remind me of a a treatment facility U enjoy! (or not!)**

I wake up in different scenery. It looks as if I'm in a cellar or cell or something. All I knows is one thing; I'm back in solitude.

There is a bed in the corner of the room; white-sheeted with white pillows and a white teddy bear sitting on top. The walls are a dull white with rust running down from the ceiling. The floor is grayish tiled and there is a locker-like cupboard that is all white metal in the other side of the room. There are no windows, no chairs, no washroom, no people.

What if I really need to pee? What then?!

I examine the room further; there is a single door but it looks locked and is the same white metal as the cupboard. A single light dangled from the ceiling like it was ripped out of the socket. This room is cold but bright, where am I? The whole room looks hard and boring as if it was pulled from a hospital, but the feel is more like a cave.

As I examine my surroundings the door opens…

**I promise to try and make the third chapter longer! review? or not?**


	3. Chapter Two: Who?

**Okay this isn't as long as I hoped... but it's longer then the others :D**

**So... I PROMISE that I will work on making a longer "chapter three: only the lonely" but I'm having a hard time with writing because I have three aculminating tasks and four exams to do! So gimmie some credit! err ... haha ... enjoy this chapter anyways :)**

"Hello." A rough scratchy voice comes. All I can see is a black glove gripping onto the pale door.

"Who is there?" I answer to the unknown person.

The door flies open revealing a thin boy with blond hair wearing leather. He apparently is holding a tray of food.

_I hope it's for me!_ I almost scream.

His colored figure takes up the white room, almost shading it from me.

I sit on the floor in a gown I don't remember… _WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?! Wait… WHO STRIPPED ME INTO THESE?! AHHH!!_ The boy crouches in front of me. _Was it him? Ewwwwwwie! _His blue eyes stare into my brown. _Why is he so close to me… is he gonna kiss me?! EW!! _He places the tray between us, stands up, and leaves (shutting the door behind him).

The tray has three plates on it. One is deep with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries on plain yogurt. Another is large with mash potatoes with lima beans and turkey placed on top. The last is a bowl of chicken soup. There is also a glass of water in the corner of the tray. Under the plates and cup is filled with napkins and wet wipes. _Who thinks I'm going to get so dirty with the dishes?_

I eat away at the meal, noticing how hungry I am.

Everything tastes so good! So ripe! So fresh!

By now my plate is demolished and I guzzle down the water.

I sit there panting when I finally realize:

_I'm alone again!_

**Okay this is actually an important chapter... you'll see later on... OMG! 3**


	4. Chapter Three: Runway

**Okay this is my last update until the 24th I think. That's when my exams end :)**

**I hope you enjoy it cuz it took an hour XD hehe**

I feel like a 100 pound bag of sand is plopped on top of me as I lay on the floor of the white room. I decide to call this room my prison… or Antarctica.

As I lay there I imagine blue birds swooping in to rescue me, singing a song. The song soon turns into a ballad, now a rock concert! The birds are playing rhythmic guitar, bass, drums and microphone. They sing about being trapped, I understand them completely. Then the blue birds turn into penguins, black and white. Boring; like this room. Lonely; like this room. The penguins grow glasses on their faces and take a clipboard from their feathers and start to analyze me. _And how does that make you feel? _One says. _Explain. _Says another. This questionnaire goes on and I try to block out the penguins, but the thoughts always reappear seconds later, to torture me more.

I don't know how long I've been here but I'm getting hungry. I walk around the room mouthing the words _I need food_. I really need to use the girls room now! Maybe if I go now then the white room will have some color…

The door opens and the yellow haired boy steps in with another tray. I swear my face lit-up at the sight of it. I shall call him yellow-mellow until I know his real name. Like the penguins I start to analyze him, just not out loud. _Who are you? Where are you from? Do you live here? How long are you planning on keeping me captive? _And the ever-growing question _Can I go pee now?!_

His blond hair is short and slightly chopped. He has an overly angry expression on, which makes me wonder _Why is he so pissed? _He places the tray on the white sheets of my white metal bed. He is wearing different clothing. His pants are still leather but they have a chain attached. He is wearing a fashionable black jacket with black fur on the hood and instead of black shoes like yesterday he is wearing black leather boots. _Is it winter?_

"I need to pee." I say as he walks passed me to the white metal door that leads into a dark empty hallway. He keeps on walking as he jingles some keys on his fingertips and says, "I'm going out. I'll get Matt to escort you."

He slams the door shut and I hear footsteps disappearing down the dark hallway corridors. I wonder _Who is this Matt person? Is he nice? What does he have to do with this situation? Is he the master of the loo?_

As I think my usual unusual thoughts the door opens revealing a boy about the same age maybe a year older than yellow-mellow. He has red hair and green eyes, they seem familiar… anyways, he is wearing a red-striped sweater and some comfy looking jeans. _I wish I were in his comfy jeans… _THAT was a weird thought. But I accept it and move on. He is wearing white socks and goggles hanging from his neck. He smiles and says, "Mello says you wanna piss."

I'm quite stunned but I nod watching the food on the tray as I leave. _What if a mouse eats my food?_

We walk down the hallway quietly. I can't hear my footsteps and his socks don't make much sound. _Am I going to be raped?_ That would suck… I think… I have never actually been raped… or had sex… so I wouldn't know.

"Here we go," he says opening a door for me, "remember to wash your hands."

I nod and enter. He speaks on.

"You having a slightly pleasant stay?" he asks. I like him, he's quite kind.

"Other than being in the whitest room possible, having to wait to ask to pee, waiting for food, never knowing what time or day it is, not getting any answers… yes." I'm quite know-it-all sounding, I'm kind of good at acting sarcastic.

"I guess you've never seen Nears room," he jokes, I don't know who this Near person is, but their name is silly. "I'm sorry that we kinda kidnapped you, but you sorta looked helpless… do you have a family?"

This is unexpected… someone actually CARES… I think.

"If I do I wouldn't know." I sound really spiteful as I sit down on the toilet and start my business. I'm sure if I could see his face he'd look cute with a saddened face.

"What do you mean?" he says.

"I mean, I don't know if I have a family."

There is a slight silence before "How do you not know if you have a family?"

I sigh as I rip a couple sheets of paper from the roll, "I don't remember them."

There is another long silence.

It's quite and I sit there. I feel too weak to move, too weak to go back to Antarctica, too weak to… I can't think of something else… eat?

I look up at my surroundings; sink, light bulb, window… WINDOW! I get off the toilet, close the lid, _"remember to wash your hands" _wash my hands, step on top of the toilet and open the window.

"Is everything alright in there?" His voice is concerned.

"Yes." I lie.

I lean down and flick the pluck so the water drains away. I lean over and turn on the tap as I climb out through the window. I start running the second I get out there, on the grass; the cold damp grass. It is raining outside and it is cold. _When did it get so cold? _I look back and imagine his disappointed face as he walks into the washroom to see it empty. _He's probably mad… I should send him a fruit basket!_

I look back again and notice that I was being kept in a workhouse/factory, and then I think of… what's his name again… Matt… I think of Matt's face, wondering what yellow-mellow will think when he comes back from… whatever he's doing… to see his prisoner missing. I stop and stand in front of what seems to be a large chain link fence. I fully turn around now and my feet take me away. Not away as in away from here, away as in away from the spot I was standing. _FEET! _I demand _Where are you taking me._ Not even my mind will tell me where I'm going. All I do know is that this is the right choice.

I'm drenched and quite sore from all this excitement. I had been exploring this workhouse/factory thing when I come upon a door that says employees only scratched out and written the words 'fuck off'. _Fuck off_ I read again _Original._ I smile to myself inside, my outside isn't happy; not with me, not with matt, not with yellow-mellow, not with my feet. Me; for leaving, Matt; for not coming after me, ym; for not being here to punish me for being a bad girl, and my feet; for bringing me back/taking me away/for being there.

I open the door and walk right in. There is a tv on and a green couch in front of it. This is a large room with a small kitchen in the far end and a table. There are two doors on the other side of the room too. In front of the tv, sitting on the couch, is Matt.

"Mello, if you didn't get the right cigs I'll be pissed." He turns his head in my direction and his face morphs to a what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here look or a why-did-you-come-back look.

"What the-" he starts but doesn't finish as I walk over to him and stand in front of the tv.

I stand there waiting, I am not gonna start this, you are. And sure enough, he does.

"Why did you… where were you… why…"

He has a loss of words obviously. So I start it… technically.

"One question at a time." I say calmly.

His face is less contorted now and he sighs, closing his emerald eyes. He reopens them.

"Where were you going?" He looks mad but it's hard to read his actual expression.

"Away." My answers are never going to be easy, accept it.

He is silent for a moment.

"Why did you leave?"

"I had a chance and took the plunge."

His eyes narrow for a slight moment.

"… Why did you come back?"

…This question is hard to answer, so I tell him the truth, "I don't know."

He nods like we've had a break-through, then he pats the empty space beside him, motioning to sit down. I do, with pleasure.

He closes his eyes and looks like he's drifting off. I watch him, making me feel like a stalker. I imagine him in dream world, thinking about cigarettes and yellow-mellow and what to do with me. Now he's in his room, with cigarette pillows and cigarette candles and a cigarette mirror and cigarette sheets and cigarette blinds. He's sitting on the cigarettes waiting for me to lay beside him. I willingly do… then I'm shook back to reality with Matt's gaze locked to mine. He must have said something because he looks like he's waiting.

"What?" I say dumbfounded.

"I said; do you want to sleep in a different room tonight?"

**So, until the 25th.. CIAO**

**review? no? okay!**


	5. Chapter Four: Groceries

**I know this chapter is really short and I submitted it a couple days after but gimmie a break, I finished exams and am tired and wasn't at my house (therefore not being at the computer to type) So enjoy this, I'll make another chapter soon!!**

I sat there, still dumbfounded. He's sitting beside me waiting patiently. He blinks in a rhythm: blink, one, two, three, blink, one, two, blink, one, two, three, blink, one, two, blink… his mouth is starting to move so I tune in.

"Unless you want to stay in the chamber…" He said.

"No, no, no, that's okay" I tried to give my best smile… it didn't work.

He smiled for me, "HAHA okay so we'll start dinner when Mello gets back then shower and off to bed." He smiled extra hard this time and I gave a better smile then before.

Mello walks through the door and me and Matt spin in the couch and crouch over the top of it watching him. He gives Matt a weird look then sees me and gives me a weirder look.

"What is she doing up here?" He demands.

Matt sinks into the couch trying to hide him self and disappear. Mello strode over to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling Matt up.

"WHAT IS SHE DOING UP HERE?" He was more forceful now and pushed Matt off the couch. When I say 'pushed' I mean more like 'picked up and threw' him. I jumped off the couch and knelt beside Matt who was getting up off the floor.

"Chill Mello, she's not going to run away!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar… _what the fuck… what's that gonna do? _He throws it at Mello (he isn't yellow-mellow now that I know his name… although I was quite close to it.) Mello walks away eating the chocolate bar and drops the bag of groceries on the floor in front of the kitchen. _THAT was WEIRD! _

Matt sighs, "well then," he turns his head and looks directly into my grey eyes, "dinner?"

**review? k...**


	6. Chapter Five: Bad Memories

**I'm sorry it took so long!! But I've been having a really hard time... but here it is for now : And... thanks for waiting. Enjoy!  
**

"Chop the carrots" Matt said throwing a pack of baby carrots onto the counter. I nod. "oh and celery too." He throws me a package of celery sticks. Other ingredients were thrown at me as well. I do as I'm told and chop. Matt started to hum a tune while he boiled noodles in a pot. The song sounded familiar, but not in a good way.

_"Honey, can you get the meat from the cellar?" a kind voice asked. I do as I am told and walk down the rickety wooden staircase. It's dark and I hear two voices from above, a man and a woman. I grab the meat and quietly head up the flight. I stop and watch from the crack between the door and the hinges, the woman has red hair and grey eyes and the man has blue eyes and brown hair. I zone in to hear what they are saying._

_"It's not too late." Says the man. He is showing her something on the island of the kitchen… it looks like a map. The woman looks briefly at it then turns away, "…fine."_

_I step the woman and hand her the meat. She smiles, "thank you honey…"she drifts off as she looks at the man in the doorway to the living room. She drops the meat to the floor. It makes a loud pulsating thump. There is a pause before the woman trails her gaze to me. "Honey… let's go for a drive." I know I shouldn't… but I do anyways._

_Mistakes are made everyday by stupid people. I am one of them…_

_The sound of time passing by… or maybe it's just the wind… either way; something is going to happen… and soon…_

_The car stops and the woman sits at the wheel, her hand white from gripping the helm. I stare at her hands until I notice she is staring at me. We are in the middle of the woods and it is night time. She looks dazed. Is it rude to stare?_

_"…get out." The woman says. I am confused. I stare at the door handle then stare at her. "…but…mommy…" I try to talk but tears are welling up in my eyes. She cuts off my sentence, "DON'T 'MOMMY' ME, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!" Tears are pouring from her eyelids. I press out of the door and stand on the dirt of the road. She reaches over and slams the door shut and locks it. The ignition flares and she drives away quickly._

_When she is finally out of site I fall to the ground bawling my grey eyes out…_

I am woken by an immense shake, "HEY! HEY!! HEY!!" Matt is shaking me.

"Please… stop… shaking… me." I say between heaves. Matt stopped and sighed. "Are you ok? You totally blanked out! I was scared." He stares at me through green eyes. "…I'm sorry…" I trail for a bit and he looks at me weirdly. "…I have a family." He is surprised and takes a while to respond. "Um… what?" I am looking quite emotionless it seems. "I have a mother and a father." He blinks awkwardly, "oh… so you do remember?" I nod. "Only… they might be dead… because I killed them."

**Suspenseful and Unexpected? I hope so! Review or not :D**


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